At first, I was going to write about how I felt for each day I was in Ireland. But then I realized that there is far too much living to be done here for me to sit cooped up at home writing lengthy blog posts about my feelings. So I abandoned that idea.
My next brilliant plan was to summarize each day I hadn’t blogged in a series of paragraphs separated by date. But again, there’s too much to do in Ireland to merit time for that. Every night I have done something new here, and I am far from running out of things to do. I continue to meet new people, make new friends, and generally enjoy myself.
With these plans thoroughly defeated by decisions like ‘Should I go out into town with my friends, or stay in and write in my blog all by myself?’, I have put off blogging for as long as I can. So I will write this one for you, and that’s just how it will be. Luckily I’m a bit under the weather, so spending time inside is mandatory. If I weren’t sick I might not be here at all. Just kidding!
I don’t remember much about my thoughts on the first day. I remember being absolutely, unequivocally exhausted. I can’t sleep on planes, and this one wasn’t any different. Any negative emotions I had, though, are being muffled by the overwhelming positive emotions I have now. I absolutely love Ireland. The people are great. They are a never-ending well of joy, lust for life, and kindness that I am not used to seeing in America. In this country it is less “What can you do for me?” and more “What can I do for you?” and it is infectious. It’s impossible to be selfish unless you really, honestly try to be. Unfortunately, a few of the American girls are really clinging onto the whole idea of being an American who belongs in America and does things in an American way. I may have been able to shed my negativity and apprehension easily, but there are others who have struggled immensely. Culture shock and homesickness make it virtually impossible for them to enjoy themselves, and I feel guilty about it. I can’t do anything to help them enjoy themselves. I wish I could.
I try not to dwell on that fact, cruel though it may seem. I am here for myself, not for them, and I am having a great time. I go out to see the town, I meet new people everywhere I go, and I love it here. Maybe it’s my personal joy, but I swear the air is fresher here. My apartment is near a farm, so I hear cows mooing as they wander around the pasture now and again. A lot of Irish people walk everywhere here, so I do too. I drink a lot more tea than I used to. I feel released from something I didn’t even know was holding me back. It’s doing wonders for my mood, mental health, and happiness. At this point in my trip, I really wish I could stay here for a year. The few months I have here just do not seem long enough. If I cannot stay a full year, then I will certainly return to this place as soon as I am able. Ireland is too beautiful never to return. Though I haven’t been here since I was little, I am glad I waited. I am old enough now to truly appreciate where I am and how lucky I am to be here.
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One of the first nights I was here, my friends and I decided to check out the local night scene in town. Carlow is a college town, with a large student body who all get very bored very easily. One of the late-night establishments is a nightclub called the Foundry (for whatever reason. I’ve no idea). As we entered the loud, vibrating, sweaty place, I felt my first twinge of nervousness. I am not one for “clubbing”, and certainly not amongst strangers in a foreign country. My friends seemed to be doing well for themselves, and I watched them dance for some time. without joining in myself. Now, this may seem like a pointless little insert about the nightlife in Carlow, but allow me to correct you. This was a defining moment for me, and it was the precise hour when I knew for certain I would fit in just fine in Ireland. I may have been enjoying myself up to this point, but this is when I knew it was really going to be okay. Suddenly, out of nowhere, my favorite song came on loudly, the opening riffs pouring out over the crowd on the dance floor. The whole club erupted into cheers, and I am surrounded by people lip syncing, or singing out loud. So I joined in with them, singing and gesturing wildly with people around me, who seemed to love this song as much as I do. As I sang as loudly as I could without holding anything back, I felt a great relief come over me. The weight on my shoulders was lifted, and I felt awesome. Since it had been a few days since I arrived in this country, the lyrics seemed more appropriate and meaningful to me then than ever before.
-“The dog days are over… the dog days are done…”-
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I have not taken nearly enough pictures here. I am distracted too easily, forgetting that people back home want to see what I am seeing. Forgetting that I will want the memories because I can’t stay here forever. Or maybe it’s not that I’m forgetting, but that I don’t want to remember. Either way, I will definitely be taking WAY MORE pictures from here on out.
I was walking home one rainy afternoon, and I happened to glance over to my right, toward the river and the countryside and farms in the distance. To my shock and great joy, I saw a beautiful white swan flying gracefully by, over the river. It was breathtaking. I happened to be alone on that particular walk, and I’m glad I was. I felt like the only one who saw it, and for some reason it became a very personal thing. That was my swan. This is my life, my journey through Ireland.
My roommates and I have made some excellent plans to shake up the little town of Carlow with art! I will tell more about those projects as they are realized. But I cannot take art classes here in Ireland, so I will be putting my creativity to use by bringing a bit of color to the town. Not that the people aren’t colorful enough as it is!
Oh, and don’t worry. It’s not anything a brisk Irish rain wouldn’t wash away. It’s only chalk, after all!
So that sums up me at the moment. Bit sick, a lot exhilarated, and very much the happiest girl in the world. I’m already embarrassed about my first blog here.
~Erin go bragh~
