I find myself thinking about my trip a lot as my summer winds down to its last month or so. I suppose that is to be expected but I keep saying the same thing to everyone who asks about it. I always blurt out "Yes I'm excited but I am also nervous. What if I don't fit in?"

And I must really be concerned about it if I can't seem to say anything else about my upcoming journey. I don't really know why it is my main concern. What about jet lag, or my classes, or the flight itself? There are plenty of things to be deservedly nervous about. But I am dwelling on fitting in. European culture is vastly different American culture, so I am told. While we call ourselves a melting pot of culture, there is certainly nothing like being on a continent with dozens of different countries and cultures. I am going to be (somewhat) surrounded by people who do not speak a language I am used to hearing. Even the English in Europe is spoken slightly different. How will I handle that? It seems like such a small thing to worry about, but I am anyway. The language is the least of my issues, but what if I find the accent hard to understand? How many times can I get away with asking someone to repeat something before they label me as "stupid American"? I feel like Americans don't worry enough about fitting in... I sense a feeling of entitlement from people. Some ignorant Americans think everyone is perfectly capable and pleased to speak English to them overseas, as if it is some exotic language they're all dying to learn. But just like their attitude toward "foreigners" in America, the opinions go toward them, too. Arriving in a new place and knowing nothing about the culture, language, behaviors, or people is not just silly but just plain rude.

I've done my research on Ireland. I've even been there before. But maybe it is the reputation that precedes me as an American traveler that makes me so nervous. I hear awful things from some friends overseas! Embarrassing things about rude Americans getting drunk in public or simply not understanding a culture to the point of offending the people around them. I am already being told to overindulge on alcohol in Ireland, as if that is customary like getting a lei when you step off the airplane in Hawaii. But that's not what this trip is about, not at all. My heritage is in Ireland, so it seems like the perfect place to get some experience traveling abroad. So maybe it is just the weird obsession Americans seem to have with humiliating themselves that makes me so nervous.

It isn't about fitting in as an individual, but as an American girl overseas. I am worried about being treated differently or sneered at. I don't want anyone to have expectations of me before I can make my own impression. I am more nervous about making serious social blunders than I am anything else.

Hopefully it is not as bad as it seems. Perhaps it is an exaggeration and I will be treated just as respectfully as I plan to treat everyone I meet there. Maybe we are not so different after all and I am worrying over nothing. Maybe someday I will look back on this blog post and laugh about how delightfully ignorant I was being.

But, yes. I am excited! Very, very, extremely excited.

I am also nervous.

What if I don't fit in?

~Erin go bragh~